Consider these..

I wasn’t always reformed you know. And as shocking as it may be, I did not always listen to John Piper sermons. My brother was the first person to ever mention Calvinism to me. He brought up Romans 9 and Ephesians 2 and I felt no need to argue. It was clear. It was biblical. It made sense. (It didn’t happen that way with everyone in my family, it took my mom a few days, but now she’s more “reformed” than anyone I know..).

But reformed theology, as I grew to learn, is more than election and predestination. I guess it’s most marked by it because it’s the most controversial point for the american christian. If I were to explain reformed theology to someone (beyond a mere 5 points), I’d probably tell them that reformed theology is viewing God as the Gracious and Sovereign Lord and seeing His grace in what He has done for us.

All this to say that I have noticed in my own life, and in reformed circles, a flaw in my practice.  There is a bit of a laid-back-ness in the way that I live because my default motto has become “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be”. I want to challenge that in my own life and maybe in your life too if you’re reading this.

God’s Sovereignty ≠ Passivity.

Passivity means acceptance of what happens, without active response or resistance. I’ve noticed in my own life that there have been times where I am quick to just say, “okay, whatever, God is sovereign so who cares about how things turned out at this point”. Looking back at my time in India,there were so many times where I should have had an active response to God’s sovereignty instead of passive one. God’s sovereignty enables our activity. And our activity is by His grace alone. This is what I see when I look at Scripture.

God’s Sovereignty = Activity.

We see this in Paul. If anyone in the NT advocated God’s Sovereignty, it was Paul. Paul understood God’s sovereignty and it was the fuel for him to be active. We see this in the way he lived and preached and journeyed. Here are some examples:

In the way Paul lived:

1 Corinthians 15:9-11

For I am the least of the apostles, unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.Whether then it was I or they, so we preach and so you believed.

1 Corinthians 9:19-27

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control,lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

In the way Paul Preached:

Philippians 2:12-13

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Ephesians 2:4-10

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,  even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

So.

A right view of God’s sovereignty should cause us to be active.

Active in killing sin. Active in working hard and making disciples. Active in resting and abiding. Active in everything. Not passive. Not lazy. Not hopeless.

Remember that just because we can identify the places where we are jacked up and failing, doesn’t mean we are in a place where we are allowing God to help us change in that area. I’ve fallen into that in the past. I easily shrug off killing sin because I’ll hide behind “well, I am a sinner, so.. yeah. I need to be a sinner in order for grace to happen..” And that is so wrong of me. That’s jacked up. And I don’t want to be that way, and biblically, I shouldn’t be okay with being that way.

God meets us where we are at, but He doesn’t want us to stay there. It’s been a year since I’ve been back from India. I’ve had my time of rest and am still healing, but I think that it’s now time to be active again.

I’ve been pondering on this:

1 Peter 4:10-11

 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

God Sovereignly and Graciously does everything and we, by His do something.

Don’t get lost in doing nothing. Our Dad is the Sovereign King, therefore be active, serve by the strength that He supplies, in order that you may bring Him glory.

Striving with you,

Pati

I’m not 21 anymore.

C.S. Lewis once wrote:

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”

I wish I had half the zeal I had when I was 22. I’ve been carrying around this journal from 2011. I didn’t fill it up back then, so I decided to continue journaling in it this year. A few nights ago I decided to read what I had written back when I was 21. At 21 I was praying for God to answer me. I thought I was in love with someone who had become my best friend at that point in time. A few pages later, God had answered. After talking things out, he made it clear to me that our friendship was not going anywhere. And I was left broken hearted. I had forgotten that after this happened, I struggled with bitterness for months. (It took me well over a year to get over him.) Heck, I had forgotten that I ever even felt that I loved that guy. Looking back brings me hope.

I spent 18 months in India. Looking back now makes heart break seem so petty compared to the damage that my body and mind undertook while I was there. Truth is that I am still healing from it. It’s been a little over a year since I’ve been back in my beautiful America and I’m still struggling. Before India, I had never struggled with anxiety. I honestly had, until then, been carefree and fearless. I loved it. I miss it. I miss who and how I used to be. Not all of me is gone, I know that. I spent the morning reading every post I published on this blog. From ages 21-24. I left to India at 25. I knew the risks of leaving, but I never imagined the results of it. I knew I’d come back older and single (my program was strict about dating while on the field.) I knew I’d miss out on my family. I knew that I’d come back and none of my friends would be around. But I had no idea I’d get so sick and so stressed. That I’d undergo trauma, get anxiety attacks, freak out long term. That my body would feel like I was shaking and I’d think so many irrational thoughts and develop so many fears.

Im naturally an optimist and tend to find joy in-spite of circumstances, but there have been days in the past year where I wondered if I’d make it through the day without crying or wondering if this was ever going to end. These have been the darkest waters Ive ever had to tread. But I have hope, though some days I ask my self if that shaking sensation will ever go away entirely.

Reading these blogs gives me hope. Because back then, I never thought I’d get past the bitterness and hurt, but by Gods grace and kindness, i did. I hate anxiety. So much. For so many reasons. It’s been a thorn in my side to wonder through out my day if that tight chest feeling might be a heart attack ( Believe me, I know its irrational, and Ive seen all the doctors and everything just points to anxiety). Ever since I almost stopped breathing in India, health has been the thing I freakout about most. Which honestly makes me mad. Cause I was never like that. I would honestly say that I was even willing to die for the gospel, and that death would be gain. So it annoys me that I fear death or at-least the pain that might come before it now. I’m praying so much to get past this, just as I prayed before that i’d truly forgive and get passed the bitterness. And I have hope.

Besides anxiety, I am realizing now that for about two years now, I’ve lost sight of the glory of God. I used to have such zeal. I used to care so much more. I used to be more faithful to abide in the Word. I want that again. I’ve never wanted to waste my life. I know that this past year has been all about healing for me. I’ve needed these months to get put back together, and to feel safe again. I don’t know that that season is over. But I do know that I can begin to, as it says in hebrews, “lift my drooping hands and strengthen my weak knees, and make my path straight for my feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.”

I read this article last night.

I never made a sacrifice

It encouraged me so much. This part specifically stood out:

For my own part, I have never ceased to rejoice that God has appointed me to such an office. People talk of the sacrifice I have made in spending so much of my life in Africa. . . . Is that a sacrifice which brings its own blest reward in healthful activity, the consciousness of doing good, peace of mind, and a bright hope of a glorious destiny hereafter? Away with the word in such a view, and with such a thought! It is emphatically no sacrifice. Say rather it is a privilege. Anxiety, sickness, suffering, or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink; but let this only be for a moment. All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall be revealed in and for us. I never made a sacrifice. (Perspectives on the World Christian Movement, 1981, 259)

I pray that I can wholeheartedly say at the end of my life “I never made a sacrifice.” Through tears and pain, still worthy. I can’t help but be thankful for things that haven’t changed and for the many awesome thing I experienced while living overseas. I got to see people come to Christ, to learn a new language, to eat new foods and explore landmarks, ruins, markets and coffeeshops. I got to make lifelong friends. See Istanbul, Paris, Rome, Florence, Venice and Bologna. I got to wake up surround by the Himalayas in Kathmandu. Walk the beach in Sri Lanka, swim in ice cold lakes in Sat Tal. I got to visit my Kiki and meet John and Noel Piper. John Piper prayed for me, what?! How did I even get there? I see God’s goodness and kindness and grace, allowing me to see and experience so many things that I did and do not deserve. I’m still me, my love language is still words, followed by quality time and physical touch. I still like personality tests, and strategic games. I still laugh to myself a hundred times a day. I still look at the same meme and laugh for 10 minutes. Still light hearted, still crack myself up. Still love gummies. Still enjoy sitting down and doing nothing the entire day Saturday. I still dream. I still want to travel. Still love the window seat. Still the typo queen. Still hate making phone calls.

I still experience His goodness daily. He still bears me up, still provides. Has loved me so much through the place I now call home (summit church). Has provided me friends and a family in my local church. Has taken my mom and brother and sister to different places and sustained them. Has let me do things like leave for a month to spend time with my sister and niece.

God has been so good to me. His trials are still my good. I know He is doing something and that He is good and therefore I have hope.

I wont pretend the fears aren’t there because they still show up. But they don’t block out the hope. Hopes and fears; simultaneously.

So, yeah,

This is me.

If you read all of this, I invite you to hope.

Lets hope in God together.

His and yours,

Pati

Change.

It can be so terrifying at times. And yet at other times, a great relief. I started this blog 7 year ago and I’m realizing I have changed so much from then to now. I’m no longer 21. I hope to be able to process everything that’s happened from India until now through this blog. It’s been 4 years since my last post on here. Since then much has happened. I posted my experience in India here.

I blogged this back when I was 22:

My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,

Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;

‘Tis His to lead me there—not mine, but His—At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.

So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,

And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;

Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard

Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.

No matter if the way be sometimes dark,

No matter though the cost be oft-times great,He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark, The way that leads to Him must needs be strait.

One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;

One thing I do, I press towards my Lord;

My God my glory here, from day to day,

And in the glory there my great Reward.

|Midnight|2015|

I remember this one time my friend was leading worship and as he was sharing he said this:

“When you wake up in the morning, before you put on anything else, put on Christ.”

2015 is upon us.. I’ve spent my day cooking, doing laundry, dying clothes, listening to sermons, reading and thinking about where I was exactly a year ago around this time. I was heading back home from the cross conference and thinking about Jonathan Edwards and his resolutions. I was also heavily considering cross cultural missions. And I’m pretty sure I was also thinking about how I seriously need to stop over packing. I assume that most people like to think about new years resolutions, whether they write them down and intend to act on them or not.

I’ve noticed that there are two different kinds of resolves. The first I call “big picture” resolve. Big picture resolutions tend to look at the grand scheme of things. They sound something like “This year I resolve to be healthier” or to quote some of Edwards:

Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it.

Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will.

The second type of resolution is what I would call “distinct”. These kind of resolves are specific in nature, though they range in their precision. They sound something like “I resolve to visit my grandmother weekly” to “I resolve to visit my grandmother every third Tuesday of the month at exactly 4pm.” Or to quote Edwards once more:

Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God’s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad’s of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great so ever.

Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year.

Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking.

Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

Now, practically all of Edwards resolutions were in fact in one way or another big picture resolutions.

So, I’ve decided to share both my big picture and distinct resolutions with you and hope that by the grace of God you’ll consider resolutions of your own.

(I am aware that you might be reading this and not be a Christian and that’s okay. If you know me, know that I love you! And I encourage you to think heavily about your coming year and consider thinking about life’s big picture, God, Jesus and the gospel. & know that I’m here if you want to talk!)

I’m limiting myself to only 5 of each. For now..

Big Picture:

I resolve to fight to depend on God in all things.

I resolve to look at every situation I come across in light of the gospel and the sovereignty of God and to be mindful of how I should react in light of these realities.

I resolve to continually think about how I can better spend my days in light of “being bought at a price”.

I resolve to always speak up when I see that there is a lack of discernment and to allow others to speak to me when I am lacking in discernment.

I resolve to pray continually that God align my heart and affections to His.

Distinct:

I resolve to read through the bible in its entirety before I end my internship and graduate in May.

I resolve to spend more time with my family, especially my grandmother and to invest into conversations that matter and make most of the time I spend with them.

I resolve to invest more into current friendships and to seek out new ones. Also to grow in kindness and forgiveness when it comes friendships.

I resolve to go on long walks with shadow and pray for things that may be wrong in my life at the moment.

I resolve to do my best to go to bed early enough to be rested for the day that follows and to eat to the glory of God by being mindful of nutrition and considering that I was bought at a price and that I am not my own.

These here are my 10.
I pray for grace Lord.
I wish you all a happy new year and that you be mindful of Jesus 🙂

 

Romans 5:6-11

6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation

 
-P

Thankful

These past few weeks have been a bit rough. Its as though God were holding my heart much like holding a cookie jar, and He has just turned that jar over to pour everything out & show me whats inside. I know He’s still shaking that jar until not a crumb is left.

And I’m just….. thankful.

Thankful because He cares enough to uproot the ugly and to align my heart and mind to His will. Thankful because my sister is getting married in 10 days! Because her fiance loves the Lord and makes us laugh. Thankful because tonight I got to see my best friend who has been living as a missionary in Italy for the last 10 months! I love her so much. Just her seeing her face fills me with joy. Kindred hearts is the only way I can explain it. Thankful because I can see from where it is the Lord had brought me. 

I found a journal from when I was 16! I was working at a cafe then and It had only been a year since I started following Christ. Its funny to listen to my 16 year old self.  I wrote an entry that started like this: “I’ve come to the realization that I dearly abhor pain. Not only physical pain but spiritual and emotional pain as well…” I then went on to write about how hard it had been since my parent’s divorce. I don’t think I would have understood God’s goodness in suffering then. I now see His grace and kindness everywhere. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed poetry. E.E. Cummings was my favorite. I go back to reading my favorite poems from time to time but never as much as I did back then. I wrote this in my journal “I really like reading Cumming’s selected poetry… I wonder if he ever heard the gospel..” I used to do that a lot! I had forgotten about that. I remember praying that Tom Hanks would hear the gospel because I liked him so much growing up hahaha. I would only pray for the famous people I liked (yikes!).The way I journal has changed too. I had forgotten how scatterbrained I used to be. And though I was writing to remember, I wrote as though talking to an audience instead of directly to God. I’m thankful that’s changed. The Lord has brought me so far! I’m so glad that I’ve kept journals for so many years. It gives me PLENTY of reasons to go back and consider His faithful and be in awe. 

I too say along with Lewis..

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”

 

-Pati

Does God withhold from us?

Yesterday my brother and I visited a church by tropical park (Christ City Church). The pastor was preaching out of 1 Timothy 6:1-10. When he got to “Now godliness with contentment is great gain” he went on to say that many times we view Christ as someone who is withholding from us (Lord why didn’t I get that job? Lord why didn’t I get that house? That car? Lord what about my health? Why don’t you make me healthy? Why didn’t I get that girl? That guy?). God has not withheld from us. 

Listen God has given you His Son. He gave you Jesus. What can be greater than that? When you were so sinful, when you were His enemy, God looked at you in your worst and God gave you His Son, nailed Him to a wooden cross, so that you would receive eternal life in His presence. So that you would receive all the riches of glory in Christ Jesus. Why do you care so much about this world? Godliness with contentment is great gain! 

It doesn’t matter what I have, I have Christ. I have everything I want, I have everything I need in Him. Is He your gain? Is He your great gain? Do you believe that there is nothing else that can satisfy you like Jesus can? That there is nothing else that you can pursue that can give you more fulfillment in life than pursuing Jesus? Christ is our gain!

You know its interesting that satan wants us to believe that God withholds from us. Look back at eve and the serpent. Was he not lying to her and telling her that God was withholding from her?

May we not fall into that trap. God has not withheld His loving kindness from us. He has not withheld Himself. We can go to the bank with the cross and know once and for all of His goodness and grace towards us. May this reality be an anchor for us as we live to bring Him glory. 

Psalm 84:10-12

For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts, Blessed is the man who trusts in You!

When life is simple

Last night I was able to spend time in the Word with a bunch of college students at our campus pastor’s house. We read and discussed out of Ephesians 5:15-21: 

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

All at once, like currents from the mightiest of rivers, flowed deep joy and conviction. You don’t have to look very far into Gods word to find a theology of seriousness and urgency when It comes to how we spend our days. As we studied this portion, we spoke of what the will of God was and how so many people go crazy trying to figure out. If you’ve ever read earlier editions of the pleasures of God you’ll find a chapter solely (maybe in the appendix) on the will of God. Its titled: are there two wills to God? You can read it here if you’re interested. Anyway, the point is that I know that Gods will isn’t a circle and that there is no center! You’re either doing His will or you’re not. His will isn’t a mystery, its been plainly revealed to us in His word. Which is exactly why we can know it! Yet while Gus was sharing I felt so convicted because some times when I pray, I pray as if I didn’t know that.  I strive so hard to want to know His will and plan on the spot (even though I already know His revealed will). Sometimes Ill pray like this: Lord I know that you’ve answered this, but what about this? If this happened will this happen? How will it happen? Am I acting in a way that will bring you glory if this or this will or will not happen? I just don’t get why this would happen if this wouldn’t happen? Am I crazy Lord?. Sometimes ill even read old journals and think my goodness I am so annoying! And I sound so crazy. Many are my flaws and that I know very well. Thankfully my prayers have changed through the years as He has totally provided grace for me to learn to trust Him in all things. And this is not to say that the Lord never hears me, or that He doesn’t answer. Glory to God I have been blessed with assurance of His hearing my requests time and time again and in His grace He has always answered me. But yesterday I was retold. That His will is plain and that I should just do it. Know it by spending time in His word and do it by His grace. His plan isn’t always plain and I know its okay for me to come to Him always with every question and need, but yesterday the Lord reminded me that I need not complicate what is plain: His sovereignty and how I should live in light of His sovereignty. Its funny because anyone that knows me knows that I don’t carry agendas. And I don’t like to plan long term too much. In fact I’ve laughed at people who have every second of their schedule written down. Well, that bit me in the butt. Turns out I’m not so different from control freaks when I pray. I am convinced that the more I know the Lord the more I realize how foolish it is to worry and how wonderful it is to rest in Him.

I was also reminded last night that I don’t want to waste my life. I want to spend it for the Lord, knowing Him and loving Him and making disciples wherever He as me.  Its the only thing that makes sense! To give up my life for such a Savior! I’ll admit that the closer I come to graduate the more I think of what’s next, and though I haven’t prayed so much for that because its still a year away I have been able to come to Him will all my wondering. Will I be living in Miami then? (I’ve always felt that I’d eventually leave Miami) Will I stay and teach art and that be a place where I can share the gospel and make disciples? Will I go overseas and somewhere and lay my life down for a people? Will art be a part of it? Whatever it is I plead with the Lord that by His grace I not waste it. That everyday I be reminded of who He is and what Hes done and that death and dying are closer then we think. That hell is real and there are people that haven’t heard.

A flood of joy rushed through last while we discussed. I kept thinking of how maybe someone at small group felt like these past few days, weeks, months, years have been wasted and lived selfishly. And then I thought how awesome is our God!! Even then we can come to Him and forget the things that are behind us and reach forward for those things that are ahead. That the Lord is willing and ready for us to come to Him and to use us for His glory. That by His grace we can stop what we’ve been doing and come to Him and live for Him.That is always so awesome to me. He is so tender and loving and so patient with us.

I had forgotten how important community was and how beautiful it is to just open Gods word with other believers and just by hearing it to be strengthened in the Lord. This is the place where eagles soar. There is a reason why we should not forsake meeting together. I’m grateful for friendships, for sincerity (I treasure this), for genuine people. All this to say that I’m thankful for Gus and those at BCM. Thankful because the Lord builds His church and He builds us up in His word.

On a side note, on the car ride home we were talking about binge-watching shows on Netflix. Mona brought up shows like sex and the city, desperate house wives and some other shows. And we were talking about (well I was talking about why anyone would watch that garbage!) how shows like that portray men like a commodity. And then in the middle of our conversation Luis says: Yeah, you know the world is always telling us that if something isn’t to our advantage or if we get tired of it we gotta drop it like its hot!!

We laughed so hard we cried. We just so happened to be listening to lacrae in the background haha. Its sad but that’s the way the world views relationships. Let not be like the world in this!

 

Til another time,

Pati

 

P.s. If you’re still wondering about the will of God feel free to email me or check this sermon out.

What is the will of God and how do we know it?

or

How to know the will of God

 

How good it is..

For the past few weeks I have been blown away from what God has been both reminding and building up in me through His precious Word. I wouldn’t trade communing with God for anything in the world! One phrase that I keep saying as a result of what I’ve been reading is this:

It’s so awesome to be a Christian!

(I think Nati has heard me say this out loud and at the strangest times..) But its true! It really is. Now what do I mean by that? Well let me explain.

It’s an awesome thing to be in Him, to be His and to be His children. It’s awesome to have been adopted into the family of God. I can’t help but think of 1 John 3:1. Behold what manner of love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. And further more.. if children then heirs, fellow heirs with Christ! (Romans 8:14-17). This manner of love was meant to be beheld. And the end of that beholding is to worship and be in awe at the work of the Lord. When you’re discouraged look and behold, when you’re overjoyed look and behold, when you’re indifferent look and behold. This is heart-softening, pride-tearing, mind-gripping truth. Its awe-inspiring and altogether hopeful for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Now there are three areas in which God has gracious allowed me to look at and rejoice in this particular reality. Here they are:

1. Missions & Carrying out what God has called us to do. (disciple, proclaim the gospel, serve, love, be at peace, patience..etc) My sister will be leaving to Texas for two years. There she will attend a missions program called To Every Tribe. In those two year she will be theologically trained to then go and be spent among an unreached people group. This is her hope, and the Lord has been opening doors. The sum of money needed to go there is pretty large. She also is sacrificing pursing a career(at least for now, or forever, may the Lord do what seems good to Him). These things can place a terrible burden on anyone. There can be great doubt and questioning. The worry, stress and anxiety can even go so far as to affect your body. That is unless you are rocked by the reality that God owns everything and that you are His and He is yours! And because of that everything is yours! Look closesly to 1 Corinthians 3. People were claiming that they were of Apollos and others of Paul and others of Cephas. But Paul makes it clear that those claims are foolish and futile. Apart from the Lord who gives the increase we are nothing. Now look at the conclusion (keep in mind that they were boasting in the apostles instead of boasting in the Lord)
   

   “Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems to be wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their own craftiness”; ²⁰ and again, “The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.”²¹ Therefore let no one boast in men. For all things are yours: ²² whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or things present or things to come—all are yours. ²³ And you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.

   All things are yours, and you are Christ’s and Christ is God’s. There is no way around this precious reality. He owns weather, logistics, land, people, money, circumstance, life, death, ..everything! This should produce atleast three things in us: Trust, Freedom and Worship (there are more things, I am sure). Trust because of who He is, mainly the sovereign King of kings and owner of all things. Freedom because He is the One who has called us to go. Therefore we go knowing that He owns everything and we are His. Worship because He is who He says He is and we have done nothing to deserve Him.
   
   

2. Relationships
   I’ve been privileged to lead a small group of girls ages 18-25. The one thing that always blows me away is how much or little they think about marriage and relationships. A lot of girls freak out because there isn’t a guy around and they fear they are never going to get married. They think their singleness shows that there is something wrong with them or with the guys around them. And though there very well may be something wrong with them, I think God wants us to look, trust and think on Him. Some girls struggle when they like a guy. The feel stupid and think its somehow wrong to like him. Now, unless the guy is an unbeliever, I’ve learned that its foolish to think that its wrong or somehow stupid to desire to marry. That is so contrary to the Lord. Marriage is an honorable thing, and a prudent wife is from the Lord. He is the one who has placed that desire in us, mainly for His glory. The picture marriage paints is beautiful. A picture of Christ and His church. How foolish to think that the desire to marry is somehow wrong. It isn’t, dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Rather be in awe! In Awe that we are His and that He has numbered our days!I am convinced that the reason why I am single is because God is sovereign. Period. I am His. There is no need for me to worry, If I am His daughter this means that I have the perfect Father looking out for my heart. He is also all-knowing, and in His infinite wisdom He sees it fit that I remain single for the time being. There is no need to go crazy when It comes to relationships. There’s no need to freak out. The same One who spoke the earth into existence has numbered your days. So just love the your brothers and be Christ to them. (I know men play a different role, they are to search out a godly wife, the truth is you also can rest. Yes pray and seek but rest in knowing that a prudent wife is from the Lord). I hope Im making sense. The reality is that we are His and the fact that He is sovereign implies that we can rest and trust that He’s got every relationship under His authority. Just look to the Lord and trust, there really is no reason to worry ladies and gentlemen.
3. Life and death
   And I have to admit that this is my favorite 🙂 Mainly because It branches into every area of our lives. ITS AWESOME TO BE A CHRISTIAN because no matter what happens we are His and we gain Christ. So if on my way to Haiti my plane falls and my life is lost Its awesome that I am His and He will forever be mine and that I will immediately see Him in glory. It will always go well for me whether in life of death. Its awesome that even if the worst thing imaginable happened to me I’d still be His and regardless of what comes and goes materially my inheritance is Christ. Its awesome because even If I fail every class this coming semester, Christ is more precious and I will still have Him. So whether in death or life I am His. And it is an awesome thing! If I end up in North Korea and my life is taken from me because I’ve proclaimed the gospel it is awesome that I will be in the arms of the One who took my place. I will see Him and worship Him and He and all His inheritance will be mine! What grace is this?! So precious and real. Such hope that we have in Christ. May we treasure it and may it bring us to worship Him. It’s an awesome thing to be His, mainly because of who He is. He is an AWESOME God. And we will be praising Him now and for all of eternity. Just one look at Him is enough to be undone. And what blows me away is the inheritance we have in Him, when I think about it too much I feel like my heart is about to burst. I get all together teary eyed and overjoyed at the thought of His grace and my unworthiness. I want to be spent and lay my life for such a Savior! I dont see how anyone can look at Him and not be led to such a conclusion.

❤ Pati.

List of thoughts come in 10.

1. Ive been thinking about this proverb. Its found in chapter 27 verse 17.

A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb,
But to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.

I heard this quote recently and I thought it fit perfectly with this verse. Its by G.K. Chesterton:

The only way to enjoy even a weed is to feel unworthy even of a weed.

I hope that makes sense. It makes perfect sense if a hungry soul is a humble soul.

2. Met with Terri today. We spoke about Paul and how he said “For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.” And yet that’s not all that Paul let them know. He goes on to address so many other things but foundational to him were the King and His cross. Mainly, the gospel. Foundational to salvation, to sanctification, to life, to everything. Ter and I have made that our aim as well.

3. God owns everything. This should cause us as His children to never doubt His provision but to take risks knowing that He can provide in every possible way. He owns the world. If money to get overseas is your fear you’ve lost sight of your Father. Renounce that. He owns the universe. Trust Him. If its His will He will get your there.

4. Not at all thinking about school. So much so that I need to remind myself to remember that I have a class in July.

5. Considering meeting my grandfather for the first time. He lives both in Arauca and Bogota (Colombia). No he is not omnipresent, he just owns houses in various places. And I think he even has property in Venezuela. Either way, I want to give him the gospel! And see if I can do ministry around where he lives. Also considering taking a team of students to Colombia if the Lord opens doors.

6. I really dont like the guy from wretched. Arrogance is not the way to communicate truth. Im with Matt Chandler on this. Some who call themselves reformed are an arrogant bunch of fools who claim to value the doctrines of grace yet are scarcely gracious.

7. I want my dad to know the Lord. // For while the lamp holds out to burn, The vilest sinner may return.//

8. Gods been providing financially for Haiti. He is so faithful.

9. Praying for a tender heart towards the Lord. I want to enjoy Him and love Him.

10. Time for bed. One last thought. “The deepest and most enduring happiness is found only in God. Not from God, but in God.”–John Piper

On the 29th of May

Just like that half a year has come and gone. Spring semester gone. Paintings due, talks had, people encountered; gone. Meetings, birthdays, conferences; gone. It’s no wonder in Psalm 39 we see that:

“Indeed, You have made my days as hand-breadths,
And my age is as nothing before You;
Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor”

At best his state is but vapor. It’s no wonder that just before coming to that conclusion, David prayed:

“Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
That I may know how frail I am.”

And a few verses later he comes to this conclusion:

 

And now, Lord, what do I wait for?
My hope is in You.

 

It’s been about a month since my semester ended.  And summer B will start soon enough. I’ve had a good amount of time to slow down and listen the Lord. It’s been awesome. My prayer in February was that I’d look to Christ above all. 

School had really clouded me, so much to get done and little time to do it. (And I’ve never really been a good student, unless what I’m learning seems important to me).

God answered my prayer; He always does.  Something broke at the Gospel Coalition Conference. It was as though I had found the Lord again. As if the man who found the treasure in the field who sold all that he had to buy it,bought it and had forgotten about the treasure until he came across it once more. I can’t explain it. Not that He ever left but He just became more beautiful to me and His beauty has increased minute by minute, day by day.

 He reminded me of His tender-loving mercy and He Himself strengthened “the hands which hung down, and the feeble knees, and made straight paths for my feet, so that what was lame may not be found dislocated, but rather healed.” Or as David would put it… He restored to me ‘the joy of my salvation’.

It’s been a great two months! Looking back I remember how hard it used to be for me to share the gospel. But it isn’t hard anymore. Sometimes it just flows out and I no longer care about whom I share it with. It’s been great! And people have asked me questions and it’s like the Lord just brings the perfect scripture to mind.  It’s also been AWESOME to see how my little sister has grown too. She shared the gospel with her co-workers. And my friend Liz shared the gospel with a Ukrainian girl we met at the beach. The gospel is everywhere! And seeing Liz share the gospel has been such a gift. She and I have had so many talks on evangelism and the gospel being the most important thing we can give others, and she’s been there when I’ve shared the gospel and has asked questions and scripture references and we’ve been reading the Word together and I’ve seen her mature in Christ (that’s a lot of ands). It’s been beautiful, I can’t complain!

Also..

I’ve also been thinking about church history, and heresy in the church. How freely people are quoted in sermons without much acknowledgement of what they taught and believed. A definite need I see in this generation is to teach believers to know and to think. And what I mean by that is this (I say this as a general statement. I’m sure most of you read your bible):

No one reads anymore. No one knows their church history. People don’t understand heresy for lack of knowledge. So much of the crap that is believed now isn’t new. It would save us a lot of time and doubt if we knew the history of the church and the history of heresy. No one spends time reading biographies or observing men and women who have laid down their lives for the sake of Christ. And the one that worries me most is that no one reads their bible. If they did they’re renounce pragmatism and all the prosperity gospel garbage going around, and just by reading through a gospel they’d shun universalism and any form of ecumenical movement. I am convinced that people would have a right view on how they are to live their lives according to God’s will if they spent time in the word. There also wouldn’t be confusion about who God is. Okay now i’m ranting.. this was leading to something..

 

Oh yes.

 

So in light of that, I’ve decided to take the time I have off and read or listen to biographies and get a deeper glimpse of church history. I found these resources on the history of heresy. It’s helpful…here are some links if you’d like to check them out:

 

Notes to a seminar by Phil Johnson:

http://www.the2ndring.com/freestuff/TheHistoryofHeresy.pdf

 

History of heresy:

http://carm.org/heresies

 

Kinds of heretical doctrine:

http://www.apologeticsindex.org/d01c.html

 

Apostasy & heresy:

http://www.challies.com/church/apostasy-and-heresy

 Also…

God knows I love Charles Spurgeon. I think one of the first things I remember from Spurgeon was this quote:  

 

“I have a great need for Christ: I have a great Christ for my need.”

That one line immediately sparked my interests for knowing what kind of man could speak such things. And at 15 that resonated as I understood my need for Christ. (Oh yeah it was right around this time of year. Wow I had almost forgotten. It’s been 8 years since I’ve been walking with Christ. Oh that just stirs up my affections even more. God has been so gracious towards me.)

Well I recently listened to Piper’s message on the life and ministry of Charles Haddon Spurgeon and now I love him even more!

Here’s the message:

 

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/conference-messages/the-life-and-ministry-of-charles-spurgeon

 

There are A LOT of things that stood out from this man’s life.  Here are a few:

1)      In fact in the late 1880s during the Downgrade controversy over liberalism in the Baptist Union, it was the evangelical Anglicans who supported Spurgeon while he was vilified by most of the more liberal Baptists. There was in Spurgeon’s life and preaching such a robust, joyful, serious, Christ-exalting, atonement-cherishing, God-centeredness that he felt a kinship with anyone who had these same instincts, regardless of denomination. Here’s how he described his Calvinism:

To me, Calvinism means the placing of the eternal God at the head of all things. I look at everything through its relation to God’s glory. I see God first, and man far down in the list. . . . Brethren, if we live in sympathy with God, we delight to hear Him say, “I am God, and there is none else.”³

He was through and through a Calvinist not out of any allegiance to a system or a tradition or a denomination, but because he thought Calvinism was simply a poor name for the full-blooded biblical gospel.

Puritanism, Protestantism, Calvinism [he said, are simply] . . . poor names which the world has given to our great and glorious faith,—the doctrine of Paul the apostle, the gospel of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.⁴

That’s why he was open and unashamed to preach the whole counsel of God even if it was called Calvinism. It was the gospel. “People come to me for one thing. . . I preach to them a Calvinist creed and a Puritan morality. That is what they want and that is what they get. If they want anything else they must go elsewhere.”⁵

2) I would propose that the subject of the ministry in this house, as long as this platform shall stand and as long as this house shall be frequented by worshippers, shall be the person of Jesus Christ. I am never ashamed to avow myself a Calvinist; I do not hesitate to take the name of Baptist; but if I am asked what is my creed, I reply, “It is Jesus Christ.”

3) The source of the truth in all Spurgeon’s preaching was the God-breathed, inerrant Christian Scriptures. He held up his Bible and said,

These words are God’s. . . . Thou book of vast authority, thou art a proclamation from the Emperor of Heaven; far be it from me to exercise my reason in contradicting thee. . . . This is the book untainted by any error; but it is pure unalloyed, perfect truth. Why? Because God wrote it.¹⁵

 

4) Now piper did mention a lot more great things about the life of Spurgoen but what really struck me what this:

“He was a very funny man, and when he was accused of being too funny one time he said: Ma’am if you knew how much I held back.”

I absolutely love that! And I can totally relate. So that was a nice relief for me!

And Piper does mention a lot more things about his life. His survey is much more complete than the little things I’ve quoted so watch or listen to it. You won’t regret and you’ll be encouraged.

I’ve also been listening on the life of Robert Murray McCheyne. His testimony was so simple yet so pleasantly extraordinary. I hope if you’re reading this you’ll look into his story. Piper also has a message on his biography.

Here is the link to that:

 

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/biographies/he-kissed-the-rose-and-felt-the-thorn-living-and-dying-in-the-morning-of-life

I’ve probably spoken more than I should! There’s alot more thats happened this year but Ive gotta go to work. Maybe next time ill write about the most beautiful thing God showed me in the Timothy. And Ill expound on Robert McCheynes life a little more.. there are many good things to say about his life and conversion. We’ll see. 

You might ask why a 23 year old spends her time this way. Honestly I dont know (or maybe I do, It just makes sense to me in light of Christ), my friend liz says im a nerd. Whatever, it stirs up my affections for Christ. And I pray its stirs yours too

 

Til next time if the Lord allows!

-Pati